As I sit around my kitchen table entering into yet another discussion about how all guys suck, the thought crosses my mind maybe it’s simply an issue of miscommunication. Maybe guys are looking for that special someone and they are just afraid that all girls are looking for these days is a casual hook up. I think that there are definitely guys and girls who have truly embraced the hook up culture, but I think there are also the guys who think that in order to get a girl and fit into society they have to go along with it. It is a known fact that no one likes rejection, and guys especially don’t deal with rejection well, so in order to protect themselves they would rather just hookup than run the risk of getting hurt. It is a domino effect, when guys act like f*ckbys and give off the impression that they are only looking for a hookup, girls change their behavior in order to be protect their hearts and in an attempt to be the cool girl. When girls try to act cool and nonchalant, then guys get the impression that they are only looking for a hookup and they are fie with that.
Another issue that people are faced with when it comes to dating and miscommunication is the issue of the friend zone. The Friend Zone used to be clear cut, if someone was pursuing you and you didn’t have romantic feelings for them you made it clear that you just wanted to be friends, it was simple and it often ended with minimal emotional upset. The modern day friend zone is probably one of the most confusing places to be, and is basically a form of hell. The issue with the friend zone today is that it is not clear, you could be friends with someone and then hookup once but remain friends, or you could be accused of leading someone on even though you just merely thought of it as a one time or accidental hook up with a friend.
Examples of Different Scenarios Involving the Friend Zone
Example A: John and Jane have a great friendship, can talk about anything with each other but they are not romantically interested in each other. One night John and Jane are at a party and they are talking and joking around with each other when things escalate and they end up hooking up. They both laugh the situation off and realize that they truly are just good friends at this point in their life. Things may be a little awkward at first but eventually they fall back into a rhythm and their friendship is unharmed.
Example B: John has had a crush on Jane since he first laid eyes on her, but Jane only liked him as a friend. John and Jane became fast friends, and soon they are hanging out snap chatting and texting regularly. They have a great banter and make each other laugh; however in Jane’s mind they are nothing but friends. One night John and Jane are at a party talking and laughing and later that night they end up hooking up. To Jane the hookup meant nothing however John saw it as the first step to making their relationship official. After that fateful evening Jane thought nothing of it, where as John now believed that he had a good shot of being more than friends. Eventually when he realizes that Jane will never like him more than a friend and he likes her way to much to just be friends the friendship abruptly ends. Jane is left hurt and confused because she lost a friend who she genuinely enjoyed spending time with, and John is left hurt that his crush rejected him.
Example C: Jane and John have been friends for a while, they laugh, hang out, and are pretty much comfortable telling each other anything. They both end up developing feelings for each other, however they don’t know how to act. They are both trying to play it cool because they genuinely care about each other but they don’t want to risk ruining their relationship. Everyone can sense the unspoken tension between the two, and eventually they end up hooking up. The hookup is the turning point for their friendship and they soon begin dating.
Honestly the dating game is complicated, tiring, and full of miscommunication. My advice is don’t worry you have your whole life to find someone, but if you do have feelings for someone tell them. Even though the thought of telling someone you like them is mortifying you never know what tomorrow will bring, and its always best to say what you feel, because you never know when you will get another chance.